Beyond the Score: The Gift of Presence Over Performance
As leaders, we often communicate with the intent to engage and inspire, but if we aren’t careful, that drive can cause our posture to shift from understanding to defense. When that happens, we stop listening to learn and, instead, begin listening only to defend ourselves or the status quo.
It’s like the conductor who is leading the perfect ensemble they hear in their mind without truly responding to the musicians sitting in front of them. For there to be synergy in the group, both the leader and the musicians must be actively engaged in two-way communication. It isn’t about information dissemination—it is about genuine connection.
When that disconnection occurs, unease settles in. Everything begins to feel out of sync. When that happens, it is the leader's job to defuse the organizational unrest by slowing down and intentionally learning to listen.
This is the ultimate challenge during difficult conversations. Staying in the present by listening to learn rather than defend is tough when someone is coming at you. That’s like standing on the podium with musicians playing their parts as loud as humanly possible, demanding they be heard in a shouting match of notes and rhythms.
We can only navigate this noise when we actively choose to give others the gift of our presence rather than our performance.
When it comes to those critical moments, give the other person another gift - that of the last word. I have found that I naturally have two perceived “needs” in my life. One is the need to be found right and the other is to be understood. And when I don’t get either, I tend to get amped up pretty quickly. When that unease kicks in, I have a tendency to try and get every last word in to try to convince and win.
Truthfully, it is exhausting.
The answer - I intentionally give the other person a special present - the last word. I reject the lie I tell myself that one more quip or remark is going to change the outcome. I choose to sit in the truth that I can’t forcefully change another person. I can only connect with them, share my perspective, and listen to learn theirs.
Give others the gift of your presence - listening to learn rather than churn.
Give others the gift of space - release the need to be right and others all of the time to others, especially in anxious situations.
The reality of making music is this - the beauty only exists in the here and now. The present moment of connection with the musicians and the audience is all you truly ever have. The same is true in our relationships - even the difficult ones. To navigate those, share some gifts with those you lead.
“The past is history, the future is a mystery, and this moment is a gift. That is why it is called the present.”