Beyond the Score: Recovering From Mistakes
Self-doubt is a leadership reality. The anxiety it creates can stop us in our tracks.
It's true that part of being a leader is having answers. The issue is, we often find ourselves in situations where we don’t even know the right questions! And in those moments, self-doubt can paralyze us.
Doubt can also be the result of thinking too much about our past failures. You know those moments when we just completely messed up? The time you sent that frustrated text to the wrong person. The time you talked too much and didn't listen enough. The time you sent an email to the entire school board about a successful "feet" (instead of "feat").
Yeah, I've done all of those. It’s not fun. It brings a lot of doubt.
Anxiety can create a web of emotions that are hard to sort out. When you let it go unchecked, it can cause you to spin out of control. This can block your ability to be an effective leader.
Let me give you an example. How do you react when you mess up? I'm talking about mistakes that affect other people or hurt your team's performance. You know, those things you wish you could shout, “MULLIGAN!”
For me, it often leads to embarrassment, maybe even shame. If I'm not careful, I can start thinking about the mistake over and over, playing the "what if" game until I’m stuck in a cycle of self-doubt. This really impacts my ability to lead.
Anxiety stemming from self-doubt and past mistakes can significantly hinder leadership effectiveness by disrupting focus and draining emotional resources. Cheng, Chai, Lin, and Wu (2022) found that leader workplace anxiety creates a "ripple effect" that negatively impacts follower job performance through two key mechanisms: cognitive interference and emotional exhaustion. When leaders are preoccupied with internal anxieties, their ability to concentrate and make clear decisions is compromised, which in turn affects how their teams perform. This internal distraction not only diminishes the leader's capacity to lead effectively but also contributes to a decline in team morale and productivity.
Past mistakes don't have to slowly creep into self-doubt. When you mess up, own up to it. Look it right in the eye, learn from it, and forgive yourself.
Here’s an idea: write it out. I mean all of it—the good, the bad, and the ugly. This allows you to literally hold your mistake in your hands. Write out the actual results of your actions instead of just thinking about the stories you're telling yourself. Then, get rid of it! Destroy the paper and move on.
Untangle the web. Your team is counting on you. Don't dwell on past mistakes. It's time to move on. Next week we’ll take a look at the impact of carrying the heavy load of expectations.
If leadership anxiety is something you’re navigating, you may want to follow this full 26-week series. New posts drop every Tuesday.
Until our next rehearsal.
P.S. This post is part of a larger conversation about the dynamics of leadership. If you're a leader looking for support on your own journey, you can find information on my one-on-one work on the homepage.