Beyond the Score: Carrying the Load of Expectations

Expectations are a powerful force, shaping how we see the world and our place in it.

As a music conductor, one of the most frustrating rehearsals of the year was the one immediately following a long break. I would spend a great deal of time preparing for the first rehearsal, excited to hit the ground running. My students, however, were coming back from a holiday and were prepared for a slow crawl. We would walk away from the same experience seeing it completely differently, all because of our mismatched expectations.

When we step into roles of leadership, we take on a heavy load of expectations. This load comes from two directions: what we expect of ourselves and what others expect of us. Are your self-expectations realistic, or are they out of balance? What do others see as your role, and are their expectations in conflict with your own?

Now, don’t get me wrong here. The problem is not having expectations. It is ruminating on mismatched expectations from others.

This can feel like being stuck in a conversation between two conflicting voices. And as it turns out, one of those voices is louder than we think. As David Cheng writes in the Journal of Applied Psychology, "People will expect leaders to experience better mental health compared to those occupying other organizational roles." In other words, society tells us that common struggles like anxiety, self-doubt, or emotional distress have no place in leadership.

This unsubstantiated pressure can force leaders to hide their challenges, fearing that to appear candid is to appear less capable. For example, a leader might silently struggle with anxiety about an upcoming project deadline but project an air of calm confidence to the team. Or, a leader facing a tough strategic decision might conceal their self-doubt, pretending to have all the answers instead of admitting they're unsure and asking for input.

But this couldn't be more wrong. Knowing and naming the weight on your shoulders can go a long way in helping you manage those challenges. It all starts with self-awareness. And when it comes to managing this load, you can’t use the "think system" like Professor Harold Hill did in The Music Man. You have to do something about it!

So, take action. Work it out. Let the weight melt away so you can be more present for the important leadership challenges you have in front of you rather than the imagined ones in your mind. Don’t keep the expectations of others as part of the load you carry each day.

The first step toward authentic leadership is to give yourself permission to be real and honest.

This concept is unpacked more fully in IN TONE Leadership for leaders who want a deeper framework.

Next week, we'll take a look at some blind spots we sometimes have about our leadership that can really get us ramped up if we aren’t careful. 

Until our next rehearsal.

P.S. This post is part of a larger conversation about the dynamics of leadership. If you're a leader looking for support on your own journey, you can find information at www.petehazzard.com.