Beyond the Score: Cognitive Dissonance
As leaders, we regularly deal with both internal and external stressors. It's easy for our internal unrest to seep into outward expressions that negatively impact our relationships, and conversely, external triggers can just as easily have a detrimental effect on our internal equilibrium.
I am a recovering band director, and that means I thrive on order. I am a planner by nature. As a young teacher, I would often spend holiday breaks doing score study and planning for rehearsals. When my students and I returned from a break, I was ready to hit the ground running.
The students? Not so much. They were doing what they were supposed to be doing over a break—resting and spending time with family. When the downbeat was given at that first rehearsal, there was quite a disconnect between conductor and musician. The word "uneasy" doesn't even begin to describe the vibe in the room.
That intense feeling of unease is a textbook example of cognitive dissonance, the mental discomfort we feel when we hold two or more conflicting ideas at the same time. Whether it's as simple as mismatched rehearsal expectations or as complex as a conflict of deeply held beliefs and values, the result is unease and unrest. We see this all the time as leaders when someone’s words and actions don’t match. Or when a colleague comes to you with a problem and their perspective doesn’t align with reality. Two things are at odds with one another; they are dissonant.
In his 1957 book, A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance, Festinger states: "The existence of dissonance, being psychologically uncomfortable, will motivate the person to try to reduce the dissonance and achieve consonance. Furthermore, when dissonance is present, in addition to trying to reduce it, the person will actively avoid situations and information which would likely increase the dissonance."
When our internal expectations or beliefs clash with external reality, it creates a powerful sense of unease. This often happens in our relationships. The dissonance is a result of a mismatch in values, expectations, or communication styles.
For example, a leader may value proactive communication but have a team member who avoids conflict and withholds information. The leader's internal value is at odds with the team member's behavior. In another case, a colleague might say they're "fine" while their body language shows they are closed off and stressed. As a leader, you're experiencing dissonance because the verbal message is in conflict with the unspoken message.
When you find yourself in dissonance, it is important to slow down and reflect. Cognitive dissonance is hard to notice at the moment. It’s kind of like driving down the highway at 70 miles per hour trying to change lanes. You can’t just be aware of what is in front of you, looking only through the windshield. You have to become more aware of what is around you by using your side and rearview mirrors.
When these things are at odds, our mind immediately seeks to resolve the conflict. We do this by trying to change the other person's behavior, by adjusting our own perceptions, or by simply rationalizing their actions to make the contradiction feel more acceptable. The key is to be aware of this dissonance so that you can consciously choose the best path forward, rather than allowing the discomfort to cause anxiety.
Next week we will take a look at how the dissonance of mixed messages and how they can, if left unattended, impact our ability to lead others.
See you at the next rehearsal!
BTW - for more information and free resources, check out my website at www.petehazzard.com!